WREAKINGhavoc

Five Across the Eyes…

Seriously…?
This gets fucking picked up/purchased/marketed/released/rented/shown onDemand…?

Are you fucking serious…?
My high school video projects seriously had better quality/production value/acting…

And that was 10 years ago…
And our professional equipment consisted of a Sony camcorder…we would edit by recording back and forth from camera to VCR…back and forth…

After further investigation, I found out that my high school videos were made for about $4000 less than this film…
And our videos were made for nothing…

5 girls (a term I use loosely…because if you take away the fact they look like girls…I’m not sure what they are…) get lost driving down some country roads…

They stop at a store…
Crash (another loosely used term…because the lack of budget means they can’t show the crash…you can hear it…and anytime you see the “smashed up” vehicle later…you can easily tell they just removed a bulb from a headlight so it would look “damaged”) into an empty SUV, and take off…

A little while later, some psycho later chases them down in the SUV and proceeds to terrorize them for about 80 minutes…
Or you get the impression that they’re being terrorized…

The “style” of the film is done in almost a documentary/lost footage way…
With handheld camera and what-not…
But there’s never any explanation for that choice except for the fact they had no money…

The camera rarely leaves the inside of the van that girls are in…
Even when they do…

And it never stops moving and blurring, and being so damn grainy you can never really make out what’s happening…

No known lighting sources were used except for a random flashlight, a headlight, and maybe one or two stars in the sky…

And I’m sure their sound recordist was sitting in the trunk of a car holding up a minidisc player…hopefully catching snippets of dialogue…

Oh, but don’t worry, when the “girls” aren’t shrieking and crying all over the place, and when you can figure out what they’re saying, well, let me tell you that I’ve seen better performances from the stains in my sheets than these people…

Fucking atrocious attempts at acting…
Honestly…
As a fucking director, one of your main fucking jobs is to make sure that anytime somebody says something, everybody will believe/buy into what they’re saying…and this film had two fucking directors…!
But when the person spewing forth random shit doesn’t even convincingly believe what they’re spewing…which is tough to fathom because there are moments where they’re supposed to be normal girls…talking about normal girl things…and that’s some of the most unbelievably bad stuff in it…

I’m sure I wouldn’t even have to mention some of the “smart decisions” that’re made throughout…

Like anytime this psycho chick is chasing them, she’s shown to be right on their ass…then whenever these chicks slam on the brakes to make a turn, or to briefly stop, there’s a good few minutes before the crazy lady arrives…

There’s also a point where the girls in the van are trying to throw stuff at the SUV chasing them…
Small random things that either harmlessly bounce off the SUV, or miss it completely…

Then one girl, decides to “pinch off a cigar in her hand” (their words, not mine) and proceeds to throw actual shit on the SUV’s windshield…

Now, we don’t see the pinching of said cigar, we just suddenly hear the girls in the van complaining of a bad smell…
Then this one chick leans out the van door and makes a throwing motion…

Then we see, what looks like Kraft peanut butter (crunchy, not smooth) splatter across the SUV’s windshield…

Apparently that was enough to buy them some time, because suddenly, the threat is over, and they can relax a bit…
I guess the crazy lady had to quickly go find a car wash…

There’s implied screwdriver rape/torture and sodomy with a shotgun…

But, like I said, everything is rather pointless, and derivative, and just plain annoying because of the complete lack of effort and care that went into at least trying to accomplish one aspect of quality filmmaking…

Be it story, lighting, sound, acting, or all around creativity…
If you seem to have none of those, or the ability to produce any of those, then what’s the point…?

And I know, it sounds harsh…and I don’t know the people who made the film…
I thought it had to be a couple of high school kids…
Further questing led me to find out the directors are about a year older than me…
But the script was originally written by one of their buddies while he was in high school…
So they re-worked it..

I will commend anybody for making a film…for getting it done…no matter what…especially with only $4000.
I will also commend them for being able to get some sort of distribution out of it…
And even if people hate it, at least people are seeing it…

But it pisses me off…
Cause in my mind, it doesn’t matter if you have $4000 or $4,000,000 or $4.00…
You should always be able to put forth the highest quality project possible…

But it also does motivate me…

You know how you sometimes see a film, and you say “Well, I could’ve done better…” and you’re never really sure if it’s true or not…cause you’re talking out of your ass…
But in this case…I really do think I could…which means that there is always a possibility for something to make it through…

I’ll recommend this film to anyone who might be an aspiring independent filmmaker…

I’m not saying it’ll teach you any tricks to use or stuff to try…but it might show you what not to do…and what you could possibly try and focus on in order to be better…

Because hey, if there are people out there watching this film…and some that are actually giving it good reviews, then anything is possible…
Well…almost anything…it’s still not really possibly for me to consider this movie good…

I’ll give it a bit of professional courtesy and respect…but that still doesn’t mean it’s any fucking good…

I’d almost rather watch the Black Christmas remake…
And I think that was one of my choices for the most hated film I saw last year…

Five across the eyes indeed…

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