WREAKINGhavoc

Another weekend…

Another obligatory battle at the box office…

This week though, it’s not Seabiscuit and her old friends trying to fend off a bunch of grumpy old men with a whip fetish…

This week we have Jack Black playing a panda…and Adam Sandler playing a hair-dressing Israeli soldier…

I don’t think there’s too much worry about Panda not coming out of this fight on top…

That’s not to say Sandler’s Zohan is gonna bomb like some sort of device that could possibly be used by his character in the film…

Panda has a good chance to hit at least 50-60 million on the low end…65-80 I’d say on the high end…

Zohan on the other hand, will probably do something more like 25-35 million on the low end…possibly 40-48 or so on the high end…

I don’t foresee Sandler taking in more than 50 million this weekend…

The lack of (quality…in terms of box office reception only) family films recently means the kids are getting antsy…

Which means the ‘rents will be desperate to take them to something that’ll shut ‘em up for a good 80+ minutes…

How big Panda will actually be depends on how much people wanna see Sandler playing a hairdresser (albeit a very tough/strong/warrior-esque hairdresser)…as well as how much they once again enjoy him with a “funny voice” (could either go the way of Waterboy…or Lil Nicky…)

It’ll also depend on what those Old Dirty Ladies decide to do this weekend…the fact that after it’s1st day, it was tracking 70-75 million for it’s opening, and it only ended up with something in the mid 50’s means that the majority of anybody who wants to see it, saw it…and they saw it early…

Yes, there are some (as in an inexplicable amount) that are going to/have seen it more than once…but it’s not the type of film that’s going to attract any new fans…even it it did have good reviews (they’re mediocre…depending who you ask) and even if all the women decided to get naked in it (they don’t…only that slightly sexy in a weird, old, but she was probably pretty hot back in the day kinda way Redhead has some sort of actual flesh on display) there still wouldn’t be much for new converts…

Which means a fairly hefty drop for Sexless and the City…Heftier than Kim Cattrall’s botox bills…we’re talking anywhere from 50-65% for a drop off…

And there’s a good chance that Shia could monkey swing his way past the ladies this week…

And how do I know all this…?

Well, simple, I make up as much of it as possible…then when I’m proven wrong, I’ll have some sort of lame-ass, but feasible enough excuse as to why things went awry…

And if I end up somehow being even slightly right (which actually does seem to happen more often than you’d think) I will take all the credit and continuously claim that a chunk of my brain is wire-tapped into every single movie theater in North America…it gives me a bit of a sting…which slowly turns to a soothing numb on the big money weekends…but it does impress my friends when I tell them in advance exactly how much of a % they contributed (or din’t contribute) to a film’s failure/success…

Then I get bag checked and once all those bastards stop laughing, I’ll admit that once again, I made a good chunk of something or another up…

That being said, I re-iterate:

1) Kung Fu Panda - $58.5 million

2) You Don’t Mess W/The Zohan - $37.5 million

3) Nuke the Fridge - $23.0 Million

4) Seabiscuit’s Horny Friends - $21.6 Million

* And remember, movie theaters don’t actually mind if you bring your own food with you…they’re just not too keen on letting you use the microwave for it…*

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