WREAKINGhavoc

Today’s BAG CHECK is brought to you by:

Brett FUCKING Ratner…

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those obligatory bitchy fanboys who hates any and everything that The Rat touches…

As some of you may already know, Ratner is in the process of making Beverly Hills Cop 4…with the once great Eddie Murphy…

So what’s so horrible about that you say…

Well, let’s see how Brett feels about the situation…

“10-year-old kids, 12-year-old kids don’t really know the old ‘Beverly Hills Cop.’ So it’s an opportunity to make it new for kids, The same way it felt for me watching ‘Beverly Hills Cop’ when I was a kid, that’s what I want to do for kids today.”

The fucking reason you, and so many other younglins LURVED Beverly Hills Cop so much is because it wasn’t aimed at these so-called younglins!

There are many films from the 80’s I’m fond of…and most of them would never be considered any sort of family entertainment…unless your family enjoyed a good couple hours of graphic and/or brutal violence…excessive swearing…and at least a little bit of random scattered nudity…

It wasn’t designed as a kids movie…

For fuck sakes Ratner…that’s like saying you enjoyed Porn as a kid, so now you want to make a porno that the whole family can enjoy…

“Daddy, why is that man’s arm elbow deep in that ladies ass…?”

Like I said, I normally don’t hate on Ratner…I’ve even enjoyed some of his films…

And I’m sure this’ll toss whatever supposed credibility I may have right out the proverbial window, but I don’t even think X3 was a huge turd…I actually kinda had fun with it…

So that’s why you know, when I’m calling for Ratner to get punched in the sack, I must be quite pissed…

The 1st BHC is a classic comedy…with some worthwhile action…

BHC2 went with Tony Scott…which meant the whole action thing, and slickability of the film, was upped a good notch or two…

Then you get John Landis fucking the series right in the face with the atrocious BHC3…but instead of learning from their mistakes…they go even more extreme (I believe BHC3 at least had a few swears in it…)

Maybe they’ll go so far as to give Axel some wise-cracking animal sidekick just to cover all the crappy family movie bases…

Oh, don’t think I’ve forgotten about Eddie…there’s a very good chance he’ll be making at least one appearance on the Bag Check sometime soon…

But right now, it’s The Rat…

He needs to be reminded (with an iron fist) what the capital of Thailand is (please don’t make me have to explain the reference…)

Right now, Brett Ratner is the banana to our collective tailpipe…and I ask you all not to fall for it…

*And remember, one is only considered the loneliest number when it has no one to hug…so please feel free to hug some one today…and don’t forget to cop a feel while you’re at it…* Continue Reading »