WREAKINGhavoc

Soooooooo…

Hulk opened at Number #1…

Which I’m sure is no surprise to anyone…

Panda dropped to number 2…and The Happening opened at number 3…

Which is all pretty much within range of what most were expecting…

The unexpected part is actually how strong M. Night’s Happening debuted in 3rd place…

Most everyone had already written this film off before it had even opened…

I’ll know exactly how bad or good it is hopefully in a few days…Either way though, my prediction was one of the higher ones I could find…a few other places I checked had it pegged at anywhere from $18 million to maybe $24/25 Million…

This means that M. Night does have a more than 12 fans left…

It also means that Friday the 13th is almost as lucky for horror films as October 31st is…

So how did it all end up for the SMASHING and the BEES…?

1) The Incredible Hulk - $54,540,000 ( - $10,960,000 from prediction )

2) Kung Fu Panda - $34,321,000 ( - $179,000 from prediction )

3) The Happening - $30,500,000 ( + $4,500,000 from prediction )

4) Zohan - $16,400,000 ( - $2,100,000 from prediction )

So, all in in all, not too bad…

I overshot the possibilities of The Hulk (arguably because I thought it was quite a big load of fucking awesome) and undershot the happenings of The Happening…

So take that for what it’s worth…or take it for what it’s not worth…but please, just fucking take it already…

*And remember…fuck…sorry…I can’t remember…*

Another weekend is upon us.

Not much doubt is being had about the Not-So-Jolly Green Giant’s chances at box office dominance…just how dominant?

Well, that’s the rub…

2 new films, and 2 bad tastes in film goers mouths from previous experiences.

The Incredible Hulk will hit $50+ million. In an ideal world, it could hit high $70’s. But it’s tough to say for sure. It’s a very good film. Exactly what you expect from summer entertainment and then some. But it’s only been 5 years since a lot of people already feel they saw an Abomination on screen…

Plus (possibly not a very big plus) we have the opening of M. Night Shyamalan’s The Happening…

Now, Night’s not the most popular filmmaker these days…he’s far from his Sixth Sense days…he’s not even anywhere near Signs territory…The Village hurt him…Lady in the Water might’ve possibly killed the little bastard…

We’ll have to wait and see.

And don’t get me wrong, I could be one of the few Shyamalan fans left…at least one of the few who still admits it. I even admit to enjoying Lady in the Water…for the most part. But I can also see why so many hated it. So as a fan, I’m actually looking forward to seeing Happening…plus the fact that I’ve already seen Hulk, there’s a good chance I will be able to see Happening. But that’s not to say the majority of the masses are going to make that same decision…

It’s actually very safe to say the majority of the masses definitely will NOT be making that decision.

But that’s not to say there aren’t a couple of things The Happening still has going for it.

It IS Friday the 13th…and seeing as how most of the people who were going to see The Strangers, have already seen it, there is room for a new horror film. It’s also an R Rated Horror film (the first of its kind for M. Night) which means it could garner a bit more curiosity.

And it’s got Marky Mark doing his thing…which usually comes down to him playing himself…with a slightly different name…

But he is a fairly big star.

He is definitely a bigger star than Joaquin Phoenix, Bryce Dallas Howard, William Hurt and Paul Giamatti combined…

Now I’m not talking about acting talent here, but purely on star power alone.

Hell, The One Man Funky Bunch was able to turn something that resembled a DTV movie (Shooter) into a modest hit, so I think he’ll have a bit of an impact on The Happening’s happenings…

But, I could also be seeing the world through Night colored glasses, and it could end up getting it’s entire ass handed back to itself in a bloody mess…

Kung Fu Panda should be fairly strong in it’s second weekend.

Possibly only dropping off 40-45% or so.

You Don’t Mess With The Sandler unless you’re an animated film from Dreamworks…there’s a good chance he could lose half his audience…mostly to Hulk…some to Happening…

So what does that leave us with…?

Well, final rough estimates/predictions/theories/complete bullshit are:

1) The Incredible Hulk - $65.5 Million

2) Kung Fu Panda - $34.5 Million

3) The Happening - $26.0 Million

4) Zohan - $18.5 Million

Once again, this is all just hearsay and heresy and should never be used for gambling purposes…unless you win…then that’s some good shit right there and I’ll notify you with my demands later…

*And remember, if I can’t come up with something new to say everyday down here I’ll just write what I previously had, but backwards…and with some smoke…and backlighting…*

To re-cap, I ended my ramble-assed prediction column with this:

1) Kung Fu Panda - $58.5 million

2) You Don’t Mess W/The Zohan - $37.5 million

3) Nuke the Fridge - $23.0 Million

4) Seabiscuit’s Horny Friends - $21.6 Million

Now, according to many sites with many connected and large numbers, this weekend’s box office is gonna look something like this:

1 Kung Fu Panda $ 60,000,000 - $1.5 million from prediction
2 Zohan $ 40,000,000 - $2.5 million from prediction
3 Indiana Jones $ 22,805,000 - $195 thousand from prediction
4 Sex and the City $ 21,310,000 - $290 thousand from prediction
5 The Strangers $9,290,000
6 Iron Man $7,522,000
7 Prince Caspian $5,527,000
8 What Happens in Vegas $3,400,000
9 Baby Mama $780,000
10 Made of Honor $775,000

If my hands weren’t somewhere inappropriate right now, I’m sure I’d attempt a bit of a back pat…

Regardless…you’re only as good as your last prediction…which means I’m sure I’ll regret not taking that back pat when I had the chance…

*And remember, the only way to keep the bubbles in your swing is to cork your bat…*

Another weekend…

Another obligatory battle at the box office…

This week though, it’s not Seabiscuit and her old friends trying to fend off a bunch of grumpy old men with a whip fetish…

This week we have Jack Black playing a panda…and Adam Sandler playing a hair-dressing Israeli soldier…

I don’t think there’s too much worry about Panda not coming out of this fight on top…

That’s not to say Sandler’s Zohan is gonna bomb like some sort of device that could possibly be used by his character in the film…

Panda has a good chance to hit at least 50-60 million on the low end…65-80 I’d say on the high end…

Zohan on the other hand, will probably do something more like 25-35 million on the low end…possibly 40-48 or so on the high end…

I don’t foresee Sandler taking in more than 50 million this weekend…

The lack of (quality…in terms of box office reception only) family films recently means the kids are getting antsy…

Which means the ‘rents will be desperate to take them to something that’ll shut ‘em up for a good 80+ minutes…

How big Panda will actually be depends on how much people wanna see Sandler playing a hairdresser (albeit a very tough/strong/warrior-esque hairdresser)…as well as how much they once again enjoy him with a “funny voice” (could either go the way of Waterboy…or Lil Nicky…)

It’ll also depend on what those Old Dirty Ladies decide to do this weekend…the fact that after it’s1st day, it was tracking 70-75 million for it’s opening, and it only ended up with something in the mid 50’s means that the majority of anybody who wants to see it, saw it…and they saw it early…

Yes, there are some (as in an inexplicable amount) that are going to/have seen it more than once…but it’s not the type of film that’s going to attract any new fans…even it it did have good reviews (they’re mediocre…depending who you ask) and even if all the women decided to get naked in it (they don’t…only that slightly sexy in a weird, old, but she was probably pretty hot back in the day kinda way Redhead has some sort of actual flesh on display) there still wouldn’t be much for new converts…

Which means a fairly hefty drop for Sexless and the City…Heftier than Kim Cattrall’s botox bills…we’re talking anywhere from 50-65% for a drop off…

And there’s a good chance that Shia could monkey swing his way past the ladies this week…

And how do I know all this…?

Well, simple, I make up as much of it as possible…then when I’m proven wrong, I’ll have some sort of lame-ass, but feasible enough excuse as to why things went awry…

And if I end up somehow being even slightly right (which actually does seem to happen more often than you’d think) I will take all the credit and continuously claim that a chunk of my brain is wire-tapped into every single movie theater in North America…it gives me a bit of a sting…which slowly turns to a soothing numb on the big money weekends…but it does impress my friends when I tell them in advance exactly how much of a % they contributed (or din’t contribute) to a film’s failure/success…

Then I get bag checked and once all those bastards stop laughing, I’ll admit that once again, I made a good chunk of something or another up…

That being said, I re-iterate:

1) Kung Fu Panda - $58.5 million

2) You Don’t Mess W/The Zohan - $37.5 million

3) Nuke the Fridge - $23.0 Million

4) Seabiscuit’s Horny Friends - $21.6 Million

* And remember, movie theaters don’t actually mind if you bring your own food with you…they’re just not too keen on letting you use the microwave for it…*